


Whedon’s Doomed Scientist Support Group

by valantha



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Firefly, Serenity (2005), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Metafiction, Post-Season/Series 01 Finale, Post-Season/Series 02, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1938936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valantha/pseuds/valantha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fitzsimmons attend their first metaverse Whedon Scientist Support Group meeting. They end up a bit overwhelmed, but the snacks were good… so there's that.</p><p>Now added: Simmons and Fitz attend another Whedon's Doomed Scientist Support Group meeting. Post S.O.S.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the metaverse, spoilers for all the shows, movies, sing-along blogs (but not for the comics), trigger warning for canon-typical mental health issues.
> 
> Many thanks to xyber116 for being my beta for more than 2 years.

Fitzsimmons stood outside the metaverse meeting room psyching up the courage to open up the door. What were they getting themselves into?

Fitz’ left arm was still in a sling and they both sported fresh bruises from the medpod’s impact with the water.

Simmons adjusted her black and white dotted blouse before opening the door to a perfectly normal meeting room –- a circle of about a dozen chairs dominated the room with coffee and goodies on a table in the back. The room had two occupants.

One young woman sat on a chair with her feet stretched out across to another chair. She leaped up upon their entrance and tugged at her dark-stained olive green coveralls.

“Hello!” she said with a little wave, Simmons noted she had a teddy bear patch on her knee, “Welcome to the Whedonverse Scientist Support Group. I’m Kaylee, and I’m not really a scientist… but I think it’s real shiny meetin’ new people, and I’m a starship mechanic so there’s that… I got my happily ever after with my feller Dr. Simon Tam who’s over there interrogatin’ the coffee spread.” She pointed to a young man in an emerald silk vest and crisp white shirt.

“Hi, he’s Fitz, and I’m Simmons,” Jemma began.

Fitz visibly longed to ‘interrogate’ the pastries, so Simmons helped him out, “Could you see if they have any tea?”

Just as Simmons restarted the process of introducing herself, the door opened once more, admitting a woman carrying a late 90’s cellphone with a vibrant floral scarf wrapped around her neck.

She turned off the brick-phone, dropped it in her large hemp purse and addressed Simmons, “Welcome, welcome, welcome! You must be the new scientist. I’m Jenny Calendar and you might say I’m the Ur example of a Whedon Scientist –- though I’m only a high school computer science teacher.”

Simmons began introducing herself once more only to be hushed by Jenny Calendar, “Save it Jemma, or you’ll have to repeat it many times, we’re expecting at least five more scientists and maybe a few others.”

Simmons nodded and Fitz returned -- attempting to balance a full plate of biscuits atop a Styrofoam cup of tea whilst being down one hand.

“Oh you’re such a dear, you didn’t have to bring me anything,” Simmons cooed, taking the overflowing plate from him.

“I didn’t,” Fitz replied drily, and after a beat, Jenny started laughing.

Fitzsimmons turned in unison to glower at the high school teacher, who battled valiantly to reclaim her composure.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just, you two will fit in so well here! You’ve already met Kaylee and Simon from Firefly, and there’s me and my boyfriend Rupert –- who can’t make it today, and he’s not really a scientist –- and rarely Willow, from Buffy. There’s Fred and her significant other Wesley from Angel and Billy Horrible may stop by as well. From Dollhouse we have Topher, Bennett, and Claire. From your ‘verse Tony Stark and Dr. Banner came by once, but they didn’t find our meetings to be helpful.”

Fitzsimmons shared an incredulous look at the odd names Jenny listed, but Fitz leaned forward at the mention of Tony Stark.

“Anyways, I’m going to grab a cookie, make yourselves at home, we should start in like 10,” Jenny concluded.

Jemma stole a biscuit and Fitz scowled. Fitz sat down in one of the chairs so he could put down the cup and steal back his biscuits. Jemma debated getting some tea, but sat when Fitz said it was horrendous.

A woman with thick glasses on a beaded leash, lavender Cloche hat, and left arm in a sling entered arm in arm with a tow-headed man in a filthy red jumper. The man made a beeline for the coffee table and the woman nodded in sympathy with Fitz before sitting down across the circle. She was joined shortly by the man whose overflowing plate put Fitz’ to shame. Perhaps Jenny _did_ have a point.

A woman in a spotless white lab coat and white sundress with slashing scars on her face entered promptly followed by a man in a blood-red lab coat, thick black cryo-gloves, and welding goggles. The man nodded at them, and sat with Kaylee and Simon, but the woman sat down close to them, not saying a word.

“Okay everyone,” Jenny stood in the center of the circle, and began with a clap of her hands, “Let’s get this party started. Let’s go around the room and briefly introduce yourself to our newest members and then give them a piece of advice. I’ll start.”

She sat down next to the man in the red lab coat and resumed, “I’m Jenny Calendar. I’m from Joss’ first big show Buffy, and I was a high school computer science teacher/technopagan/Romani spy before Angelus snapped my neck and posed me to torment Rupert – who had just forgiven me for the Romani spy stuff.”

“My advice to you is: manage your expectations. Once one of you dies, you must go on caring about the other’s happiness. You must rejoice when they move on in canon even while during periodic metaverse meet-ups your relationship continues.”

Fitzsimmons shared a skeptical look at the term ‘technopagan’, and Fitz began toying with the edge of his sling at her manner of fact announcement that one of them will die. Simmons calmed his fidgeting with a hand on the knee.

“Billy, do want to go next?” Jenny asked.

The man in the blood-red lab coat nodded, blinked profusely, and adjusted his welding goggles, “Hi, um, I’m Billy or Dr. Horrible –- Ph.D. in horribleness –- and, um, I’m from Joss’ Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog –- it’s neater than you’d think –- um, I’m a super-villain and I accidently killed my crush before telling her how I feel and she still is with my nemesis Captain Hammer –- corporate tool. My advice to you two is: never be happy. They –- Joss, Jed, and Maurissa –- can’t take it from you if you’re never happy...”

Jemma switched her hand-on-the-knee for holding Fitz’ hand.

With a cough Jenny interrupted, and said, “Kaylee?”

“Hello again, I already told ya’ about me –- I’m Serenity’s mechanic. I got my happily ever after with my guy Simon –- wave Simon.” And he did.

“Anywho, my advice to y’all is: hope. I’d been pining after Simon for about a year before Serenity and Miranda –- which oddly was a lot longer in metaverse time –- and then we had sex and it was great, so don’t give up!”

Simon blushed and a woman who looked startlingly like the scarred woman -– but with long pigtails, a maroon blouse and floral skirt, and no facial scars –- burst in, “Sorry y’all, but you know how it is, you get all deep in studyin’ demon secretions and lose all track of time!”

“That’s okay Fred, have a seat, we’re just introducing ourselves to the new folks and giving them some advice, Simon?”

The ‘Fred’ woman sat near her doppelganger and Simon adjusted his emerald vest nervously before starting, “Hello, I’m Dr. Simon Tam. I was a top trauma surgeon on Osiris before rescuing my sister from Alliance thugs playing at neurosurgery. I boarded the most disreputable ship I could find,” he shared a sappy look with Kaylee before continuing, “And there I met Kaylee, and after an eventful year we got our ‘happily ever after.’ My advice is the same as Kaylee’s: don’t give up hope. It might take a lot of time, or a lot of money, and readjusting your expectations, but you can find happiness.”

Billy snorted. And was ignored.

“Topher?” Jenny prompted.

The man in the filthy red jumper stared into the celling, “B precedes A, action follows reaction, love before interest…” he then proceeded to rock back and forth humming to himself.

“What he means to say is sometimes love is more irrational than neurochemical,” the woman with the arm-sling said, “I’m Bennett Halverson. Topher Brink and I were chief neural programmers at rival houses in Joss’ Dollhouse before _Caroline_ got involved. I was shot in front of him after we kissed for the first time. He died ten years later in an explosion to set right his ‘thoughtpocalypse’. He has periods of lucidity. I have no advice to give.”

Bennett indicated she was done and Jenny nodded and turned to Fitz, “Would you like to introduce yourself?”

Fitz placed his plate of biscuits on Jemma’s lap and began, “Awrite, I’m Fitz an’ I’m an engineer for S.H.I.E.L.D. on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. And where we left off I’d just revealed to Jemma that I love ‘er as more than just a friend, an’ then I was without oxygen for a long time an’ now I’m ‘alive’ but barely.”

Jemma squeezed his hand in comfort.

Jemma neatened her blouse and cleared her throat, “Hello all, I’m Jemma Simmons, I have Ph.D.s in molecular biology and pharmacokinetics, I also work for S.H.I.E.L.D. I love Fitz, but I’m not sure if I love him like that…”

“Stay friends!” the woman who arrived late interrupted, “You’ll survive longer that way.”

“Fred,” Jenny said chidingly.

“Sorry!” Fred replied, looking at Jemma.

“It’s okay, I’m done,” Jemma shrugged.

Jenny nodded and then asked, “Claire?”

The scarred woman was non-responsive; Jenny tried again, “Claire? Dr. Saunders? Whiskey? Clyde 2.0?”

No response. She just stared straight ahead.

Jenny shrugged, “She’s like that sometimes. Fred?”

“Howdy y’all, sorry about bein’ late and interruptin’,” the scarred and silent woman’s doppelgänger began chipperly, and then faced Fitzsimmons, “I swear I’m not like that at all. I was a physics grad student and then I was sent to a demon dimension by a jealous professor and I spent five years starvin’ and hidin’ and doin’ multivariable calculus to figure out how to get back only to be rescued by Angel and Gunn and Wes. I was with Gunn for about a year until he meddled in my affairs and killed said professor so I’d not ‘get my hands dirty.’ Wes and I were just gettin’ started –- though he told he had loved me since before he’d known me -– when my soul was hollowed out and devoured by an ancient god. I died in his arms."

"My advice is to stay friends, maybe even flirt a bit, but don’t get together, ‘cause the moment you take that step, BAM!”

“Thank you, Fred,” Jenny said, “Now does anyone have any advice or stories pertaining to managing expectations?”

Fitzsimmons huddled together, more than a little overwhelmed by the glimpse into their dour future as a doomed science couple.


	2. Chapter 2

Jemma stood outside the metaverse meeting room sorting out her black cardigan, preparing for the sympathies and pity of the assorted Whedon Scientists.

With a deep breath she pushed open the door.

Fitz was already inside, and chatting with Wesley. They had bonded during the winter hiatus metaverse meet-up over being “friend-zoned” (of all the insipid names and concepts).

Jemma smiled at Fitz who returned it with a pained smile.

Fred –- Wesley’s girlfriend –- was there too, grabbing some biscuits from the spread. Jemma went over to say hi.

“Hello, Fred,” she greeted.

“I warned you!” Fred retorted.

Jemma took a step back at her vehemence.

“Oh, don’t mind her,” Jenny Calendar said softly. Jemma hadn’t even realized she was in the room.

Fred grabbed one last chocolate biscuit and headed toward the chair-circle, head shaking.

“She’s just a bit miffed because being swallowed by an alien stone _might_ be a crazier way to go than being hollowed out by an ancient god…” Jenny continued. “And really, you should have known better than to bring up Fitz’ romantic feelings for you during a _season finale_. You were just asking for trouble.”

Jemma began to bristle. _She was not asking for trouble!_

“Oh Jemma! I’m so sorry!” Kaylee cried in warning right before she hug-attacked Jemma.

Jemma froze for a moment before easing into the good-natured girl’s hug. _This was more what she was expecting._

“Y’all are just so perfect for each other. You shoulda had a happily ever after, or at least some great sex after the drama y’all just had, and instead you got this!”

Kaylee squeezed even tighter. Jemma wormed herself around a bit to pat the engineer’s shoulder consolingly.

Once Jemma had disentangled herself completely, and Kaylee had worked through her sympathies, the rest of the assemblage had arrived and had seated themselves.

A hint of a blush warmed Jemma’s cheeks as she made her way to the seat beside Fitz. It felt like everyone was staring at her, and it was likely true. Jemma channeled her pre-Hydra training and stood tall –- at least until she reached her seat, and sat.

Jenny called the meeting to order and blathered on about how group elections were coming up and the importance of good leadership.

Jemma used the time to settle her white and black dotted blouse, and herself.

In the middle of Jenny’s soliloquy, Bennett Halverson leaded over and quipped, “As if we’d elect anyone besides Jenny for group president! She’s the only one who cares for the position anyways.”

Bennett snorted and returned her attention to Topher, who appeared fairly lucid today.

“Any other group business?” Jenny asked, looking around at the quiet ensemble.

“No? Then I guess the next order of business is Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons.”

“We’re not an ‘order of business’!” Jemma protested, only to be quelled by Jenny’s glare. Jemma hadn’t spent more than a semester in high school, but even she knew Jenny had to have been quite a proficient teacher.

“Ms. Simmons, you must wait for your turn.”

Jemma turned to Fitz for support, but he just shrugged. _Very well then_ , Jemma resolutely set her shoulders.

Jemma had to sit still while Claire Saunders gave her two cents on what they should have done. Once she was finally done, Dr. Horrible rambled on a bit in sympathy while also not-quite-outright saying that his Penny’s death was worse.

Jemma wanted to grab Fitz’s hand, for comfort, but things were still… unsettled, as they had been since the pod. Under adversity they were still unified, but listening to this lot didn’t quite compare to the past month with “Real” SHIELD and the Inhumans. Jemma folded her hands in her lap and bore it.

Jenny spoke next, adding nothing. She’d made her stance clear earlier. Kaylee and Simon were truly sympathetic and then it was Fitz’ turn.

Jemma looked up from her insipid plate of biscuits to smile encouragingly at him.

After a few false starts he began, “Ah know we’ve both worked quite hard… and done a fair job at holdin’ onto our miscommunications… an’ feelings o’ betrayal an’ guilt so we could hold back the progression o’ the relationship an’ all… to live. It’s been a tough season for the both of us.”

He paused, Jemma beamed encouragingly up at him again.

He continued, “But really Simmons, couldn’t you have waited until the beginning of next season?! We both know that that is by far the safest time to start a relationship, before the Big Bad really got going an’ the denouncement an’ all. But no, you had to tell me right then, when I was setting off to take back the Iliad. You coulda killed me with a mistimed statement like that!”

Jemma shrank back into the stackable conference chair. _That hadn’t been her intent, at all._

Fitz ranted some more, which gave Jemma just enough time to get mad and plan out precisely what she wanted, nay, needed to say.

Fitz sat and Jemma couldn’t bear to look at him.

Jemma stood, and stared off into the middle distance, “First of all let me say this, for many of you it has been a long time since you were actually on the air, and you may have forgotten this, but all of this meta-analysis you talk of cannot be remembered while live, on the air. The best you can take with you is a vague sense of unease to try to guide your actions.”

“In short, meta-analysis is worse that useless when actually you’re actually on air. Which you well know, Fitz.”

Fitz started to respond, but Jemma plowed onwards.

“It’s my turn now! I have hardly had a chance to say anything to you this season Fitz. Yes, I left for Hydra without telling you because my presence was hurting you. Not because I couldn’t accept you as you were, are, but because you wanted to be who you were for me!”

“Yes, I’ve changed, I’ve learned, I’ve grown, some may even say I’ve hardened. But so have you, and I’m not talking about the hypoxia. Change is inevitable; the only things that are at equilibrium are dead.”

“You told me how you felt, and everything changed. Those things were merely temporally correlated, not causally linked and yet you ran away from me, like… like… like a scaredy-cat!” with that Jemma felt as empty as a wallet two days before payday and collapsed into her seat. At least this cheap-o stackable chair was supportive.

Shockingly, Fred began clapping, “Good for you Jemma girl, y’all might actually survive if you can keep on channeling that.”

Jemma was so surprised by Fred’s reversal, and the fact that she had actually said all those things, that she zoned out through the rest of the meeting, going over what she had said, and how she should have said it better. Second- and third-guessing herself.

Before she knew it, Jenny was calling the meeting to a close and Fitz literally ran from the room.

_Oh well, I guess we’re going to play this game again._


End file.
